I’m 36. I’ve had decades of periods. I’ve been through years of infertility. I’ve tracked temps, ovulation, mucus. I’ve watched follicles, forced ovulation and gotten sperm shot into my uterus by a catheter (overshare?).
I like to think I have a decent idea of what’s happening in my body and what happens when a baby is made (I mean, I made one). Yet here I am—once again—amazed and confused by the female reproductive system.
We are currently in the two week wait phase of our fifth IUI, and of course I can’t just surrender to the process. I need to know what is going on in my body. I need to visualize it.
“OK, Google. What happens during conception?”
Google’s answer? It’s a fucking war zone in there.
I watched this video in its entirety, multiple times. I just… you guys…. how are there even any human beings in the world. There is so much death and turmoil happening in my body right now. SOLDIERS ARE DYING AS WE SPEAK.
It starts with hundreds of millions of sperms. So free, so happy, so determined. But before they even have a fighting chance, millions will die or fall out (yes, fall out). The remaining soldiers venture through the cervix (that is only open for a few days) to meet even more death as they struggle in the cervical mucus. Once inside the uterus, the little guys get attacked by immune system cells destroying thousands more. DEATH.
Then, half the guys go into the WRONG FALLOPIAN TUBE. Only a few thousand make it to the right tube where the egg waits (assuming the female’s reproductive system is better than mine and ovulates normally). The soldiers have to fight up stream where they encounter, you guessed it, more death.
After all of these battles, only a few dozen men are left. A FEW DOZEN. They are battered, bruised and presumably traumatized by the horror they endured. Then they have to try to breach the egg like the God damn death star. If one happens to be successful, we have to hope all the chromosomes are in check and it attaches to the uterus.
I repeat, HOW ARE THERE ANY HUMANS IN THIS WORLD. The sorcery that it takes to create a human child is beyond my realm of understanding, and I did it. I managed to not kill every sperm that was shot into my body. I feel very accomplished.
So now, I must wait to see if my body cooperated and the soldiers endured the long, death-riddled journey to the egg.
Fingers crossed.
