You might be surprised to hear this, but 2019 was the absolute best year.
“But you had a miscarriage. You cried. You complained… a lot.” Yes, this is true. But in all honesty, this has been the most content I’ve been in a long, long time.
For most of my life, I’ve felt pretty bleh. I’ve lived with depression and anxiety. I’ve never really been consistently “happy” (whatever that actually means). Yes, I have had many, many happy times. Married my best friend, gave birth to an angel, changed the lives of two little terriers, made some bomb ass friends, lots of laughs with my family.
But, I’m the kind of person who can get eaten alive by one negative aspect in my life. One thing can overshadow all the greatness. I’ve had a string of jobs that broke my spirit and had me questioning who I am, what I’m doing and what would happen if I just went back to the check out lane at Target. Eaten alive by negativity, over and over.
And then in 2019, that changed. It was like a veil lifted. For the first time in my entire career, I felt smart. I felt appreciated, fostered and part of a team. I started to actually like the field of work I went into. And suddenly the rest of my life started to feel brighter.
This small town seemed bigger and roots started to grow. I met new, amazing people. I went on vacations without dreading coming back to my thankless 9-to-5 reality. I realized I have actual, true friends (you know, the ones you can text about poop and childbirth. The ones who tell you how bad ass you are and make you laugh out loud).
Because of this huge change, I was able to look past the negative. I stopped letting little things bother me, because they really weren’t that big. And when big, horrible things happened (like miscarriage) they were big and horrible. But the positivity planted in my life helped me move past it. I was able to get back up. I was able to just. keep. going.
So yes, 2019 had a big, black hole punched in it. But the weeks and months before and after that hole were amazing. Sandy beaches, sankalpa, sunshine, snow, the crisp north air, kambaba jasper, big kid undies, ice cream cake, hey girls, champs, smoked meat, baby sharks, wagyu, unicorn boots, bangs, bubbles, geraniums, orchards, butterflies. A. Mazing.
So here’s to 2020. Just. Keep. Going.
