It’s meant to be
I’m sorry, are you God? Do you have a crystal ball? Do you think I was “meant” to see my baby’s heartbeat and then watch as the poor ultrasound tech struggled to find it again? Was it my destiny to walk around for WEEKS carrying a fetus that had stopped growing? That’s just mean. Please keep your MTBs to yourself.
You’ll get pregnant again
I repeat, do you have a crystal ball? Do not fill me with your false promises.
At least you can drink now
Oh yes, having a glass of wine is SO much better than watching my belly grow and move with the sweet glimmer of new life. So much better than watching my toddler become a big sister. You’re right, give me some rose, please.
Stop stressing
Here’s an idea, why don’t you stop breathing.
My [insert person] had [insert number here] miscarriages before she had her kids
You reminding me that I could have MORE miscarriages is not helping. I don’t care if your friend/cousin/neighbor went on to have triplets, don’t tell me that.
Have you tried cutting out toxins
Are you telling me that the shampoo I use stopped my child from growing? And if I eat only organic, my reproductive system will magically function properly? I’ll tell you where you can shove that hippie shit. Bend over.
You should try [insert new age flimflam here]
So I will preface this with the fact that I AM trying some of these things during our next round of fertility (hey, crystals). BUT none-the-less, miscarriage might not be the time to push your new age philosophies on someone (unless you know she’s into hippie shit, too).
Appreciate what you have
You think that I don’t thank my lucky stars every day for my husband, my angel baby, my crazy ass dogs? None of that is diminished because I had a miscarriage and because I want more babies. I’m grateful every damn day, thank you very much.
So WTF can you say?
I had a lovely friend ask me what she could say to me or anyone she knows that is going through this shitty situation.
Here is a list of things you can say
(to me, at least. know your audience):
That f*cking sucks.
I’m sorry.
What can I do?
Can I give you a hug?
Do you need anything?
Let’s go drink.
Can I say a prayer for you?
Here’s some homemade cobbler.
Who can I hit for you?
Do you want to grab lunch?
Can I connect you with my friend who also had one?
We bought a star for you and your precious bebe.
Can I tell you what got me through mine?
What do you need?
So basically, anything that a human being would say to another human being who is suffering.
Please note that I am actually not bitter, and not all of these things have been said to me personally. I’m simply airing grievances for the many ladies who have been in my same situation and have heard these things. You are not alone.
